On June 11^th 2009, the word czars announced that Web 2.0 was the 1,000,000^th word in the English language. I didn’t know we were still counting/gived a damn. This announcement triggered a poll in the local Globe and Mail web-chronicle. It asked readers to vote for what word they would like to retire as the most over-used word. Let’s throw the list on the board:

bling bling
like, you know
organic
Web 2.0
rightsizing
whatever
economic stimulus
awesome
state-of-the-art
leverage

Now, most of those words may be annoying, however only three are worth noting. The first is “bling bling”. As any three year old can notice, this is actually a) two words, b) the same word twice. How can this legally be a word? Someone should investigate the people who are just throwing around accusations that combinations of words are full words. I’ll even let “economic stimulus” pass because there is no need to nit-pick. But Web 2.0! No, that’s not a word. Web is a word, 2 is a number. Again, we need a three year old to fact check the English language. Are they really in that dire of straits to get publicity for literacy that they just throw up expressions for people to discuss in order to drum up support?

This brings me to the most egregious error on the part of English: “like, you know” is not a word. It’s just not. I don’t care how literate you are and how much you can argue that Web 2.0 is a proper noun and bling bling is slang, “like, you know” is a phrase or a saying. Simple. It’s a combination of three words. All of them are great words, don’t get me wrong, but they are three words nonetheless. Why would anyone think this is one word? It’s not! IT EVEN INCLUDES A COMMA!! No word should have a comma since it is “a mark of punctuation used for indicating a division in a sentence”, not division of a word. Jackasses.

It’s just not a word. Stop it. But let’s play illiterate devil’s advocate: So what if we bend the rules for a combination of words if we say it in our every day conversations? It’s part of our updated, hip cool English language so let’s allow it. My answer to that is why dumb down our language? Shouldn’t we try and uphold the standards of an already failing industry of spelling errors and abbreviations? We’re losing our English language to texting and emoticons and T9 cell phones. Everything is an abbreviation because people are too busy to spell properly. (Oh and you’re not that busy. People can wait for your urgent response to last night’s mistake/hook-up you knew exactly what you were doing). And I’ll admit, I can’t spell at all. Without spell-check I would be useless and this would be completely unreadable. I’m not saying that’s right, all I’m saying is that like, you know, it’s not a word.

Still not convinced and think I’m being too picky? Aright, try this one: Snot-rocket. That’s right. Think that should be a word in the English language? Something that is used in our everyday vernacular, is hip and cool with the kids. “Hey, did you see that guy blow a snot-rocket when we ran out of Kleenex? Narly dude!” Only one small problem: this isn’t an official word. English doesn’t recognize this word’s existence.

Here’s hoping that 2010 brings in the year of the snot-rocket and our 1,000,001^st word.

Alright kids, it’s finally time to resume my pretty awful hockey picks. I know you’ve all probably heard of/been in contact with the swine flu by now and it’s probably my fault in some way or another. After an epic week of partying to conclude the winter semester I contracted some type of super virus. I had swine before it was even popular. Not much has changed since I posted a month ago other than the Apple Juice community of Ottawa should be sending me a thank you card for the gallons I’ve drank trying to rid myself of this pork-ridding disease.

Alright, down to business. My round 1 NHL hockey picks fared decently well. I went 5 for 8 which in these economic turbulent times is respectable. Our good friend Oral-B went 6 for 8 and McGuire went 5 for 8 as well. Crap. I tied Pierre. What a disappointing series of events. However, you should see how smart I was in my picks. I correctly predicted that number 1 pick in the west either makes it to the cup final or loses in the first round (Sharks out after 1) and I solved the debate over which Championship covers more sports karma (NFL all the way, should have known).

 Round 2 I did not get my picks out in time, however Oral-B slipped up slightly, going 2 for 4. But! This doesn’t matter because he’s picking Carolina and the Blackhawks in the finals, with the Blackhawks winning it all. Now that’s a solid pick. My Stanley Cup picks went out in the first and second round (Philly/Sharks, and then changed to Vancouver/Carolina). So I’m going to stay away from NHL hockey picks and leave it to the expert known at Oral-B. How is Pierre McGuire doing? Who the hell knows! His hockey picks are more hidden than the reason he’s still an analyst for TSN/NBC. So McGuire/Swine flu may have taken me down, but Oral-B will live forever and we shall have a Stanley Cup parade for him like the city of Boston did for Ray Bourque.

So there you have it folks. Just wanted to get these picks up there before things start getting crazy and I get some second round of weird animal disease. I assume the next one will be either squirrel or skunk related. Around my house they are like the other type of homeless person. You usually have to walk by them slowly so they won’t bother you and can’t leave things out at night or they’ll get into them.

Alright, this wasn’t that interesting of a post so I apologize; funnier ones to come. I’ll leave you with the greatest boxer of our lifetime practicing for his next fight. Hopefully he doesn’t have to fight anything with a bit more pixels. Yah that’s right, I went there.

And that’s a barely literate post.

If the internet had balloons and streamers, this post would be full of them. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the first of many MorethenmaN sports reports. Sports, Sports, Sports. This is basically the reason I pushed for a website; an enjoyable forum for me to rant about sports and try to predict things like I have some special insight into the game. I do however have a unique view since growing up in the hometown of Toronto Maple Leaf great Tim Horton, I spent my nights skating on a homemade rink. How does this make me any different than most every other Canadian? Well, I haven’t told you that I lived next door to a 24 hour Tim Hortons. That’s right people. Growing up in the hometown of a hockey great + skating on an outdoor rink x living a few hundred feet from the restaurant the hometown hockey great created = ability to predict sports like no-one else.

Do I really need to prove myself more? The first year I started predicting seriously, playing against myself (a theme that stayed constant throughout my youth) I correctly predicted the Calgary Flames would be in the cup finals the year they lost to Tampa Bay. If you were in my high school TA, you would remember this since I predicted it loudly to the 5 other people sitting in the classroom. (I also predicted the NY Islanders would go to the east finals, and I think they were swept out in the first round)

What I really wish to accomplish with NHL preview is showcase not only my superior knowledge of all things frozen ice, but take down one TV personality in particular. Pierre McGuire, it’s on. I am dedicating 2009 to taking you down several pegs. You’re like an unfunny George Costanza whose one claim to fame is sucking too much as the coach of Hartford that they moved the team to Carolina, and “won” two Stanley Cups as an assistant coach with the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1991 and 1992. I’m pretty sure I could have played the role of HEAD coach in the situation. “Okay Mario….pass to Jagr…or shoot”. To showcase that anyone can beat you at hockey picks, I have enlisted the help of a good friend, who will go be the name OralB. He knows of sports and of the existence of the hometown Senators and as he says, “I recently learnt what icing meant.” His picks will of course be the OralB Advantage. It’s on McGuire; bring on that big body presence.

ROUND 1

EASTERN CONFERENCE

BOSTON BRUINS VS MONTREAL CANADIANS

This is an easy one. Boston is just a far and away better team and as we know, defence wins championships. The goalie tandem of Thomas/Fernandez gave up a league low 120 goals (5 on 5) while Montreal and Price let in 151 goals. Add that with the fact that Boston is ranked second in the league in scoring and poor Montreal seems to be screwed this time. Boston played the Canadians to the brink of elimination last year and Boston has a far and away better team this year while Montreal did everything they could to miss the playoffs.

Boston it is.

Pierre McGuire: Boston.
The OralB Advantage: Montreal, “..because they are Canadian”

WASHINGTON CAPITALS VS NEW YORK RANGERS

Ovechkin had his first taste of the playoffs last year and this year followed up a Heart Trophy year with 54 goals and 56 assists. The Rangers took in Sean Avery. Enough said. New York may have the better goaltender, Theodore has never given anyone much confidence and Lundqvist is the goalie I would pick if I started a franchise today. Washington also has more firepower to throw at Lundqvist, with 4 players scoring more points than the top New York player. However, that one player is Scott Gomez and if I’ve learnt anything from the NHL, it’s that Scott Gomez scores about 200 goals in the playoffs.

I’ve almost talked myself out of it, but Washington wins.

Pierre McGuire: Washington
The OralB Advantage: New York, “Much better city than Washington, DC.”

CAROLINA HURRICANES VS NEW JERSEY DEVILS

There is no rhyme or reason why I’m picking the way I am for this series. I’m not using stats, a player’s nationality or ability to grow a playoff beard.  Carolina has been on a roll as of late and I know that is supposed to mean nothing but….I don’t care. I’m picking against the logic and memory that Buffalo did this year ago when Hasek brought them into the playoffs and then they lost in the first round. In every other sport, momentum is supposed to carry over into the playoffs. Devils have one, if not the, greatest goalie’s in NHL history. He’s fully rested and didn’t need to carry the team and they still finished third in the conference. Cam Ward will come up huge these playoffs and I have a feeling about this team.

Carolina wins it.

Pierre McGuire: New Jersey (Hartford still hates you too)
The OralB Advantage: Carolina, “Weren’t they good a couple years ago?”

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS VS PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

The Flyers allowed 1 fewer goal and scored two more then the Penguins did this season. What does this mean? Very little, but I’m taking this and saying that this combination will lead the Flyers to many victories this post-season. Also this will break the long-standing debate about which sport has the greatest carry-over luck. You see, the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series, but the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl.  One city will go on a roll and win for a while. (look at Boston, except the Bruins. Is that a sign that this year it’s the Bruins turn? Probably that this whole picking sports is bullshit)

Flyers win this series and a couple more.

Pierre McGuire: Pittsburgh (dance with who brung yah)
The OralB Advantage: Pittsburgh, “Crosby plays for them. He’s whiny”
 

WESTERN CONFERENCE

ANAHEIM DUCKS VS SAN JOSE SHARKS

The Ducks got on a roll late to make the playoffs. San Jose has the best record in the league, which can sometimes curse a team, or they win the Stanley Cup. No room in between really.  Let’s hope that Cheechoo and Thornton light it up and really, who can cheer against Rob Blake? He’s so delightfully old and looks like an old pet.

San Jose win

Pierre McGuire: Sharks
The OralB Advantage: Anaheim, “They beat the Sens that one time so they must be decent”

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS VS DETROIT RED WINGS

Really? Columbus? Don’t worry, next year will Rick Nash go somewhere like Toronto and Ohio can continue forgetting about their NHL team and can go back to watching the Cavs and Browns play.

Detroit wins, even if they start me in goal.

Pierre McGuire: Detroit
The OralB Advantage: Detroit, “Who the hell are they? What’s a Blue Jacket”

ST. LOUIS BLUES VS VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Blues barely made the playoffs, but they are like Carolina and are entering on a roll. Vancouver has the second best goalie in the league in Luongo…..but I don’t care. Vancouver always chokes and this season will be no different.

St Louis starts a roll for the city which will end in the Rams and Cardinals being awesome this season.

Pierre McGuire: Vancouver
The OralB Advantage: Vancouver, “They have a whale as their mascot.”

CALGARY FLAMES VS CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS

All signs point to Calgary winning, especially since Chicago has a goalie that could be our father.
Could you bet on this face?

Didn’t think so. Unless they put in Huet and he does something extra special, this is Calgary’s year.

Calgary wins a good one. Not a chance I’m going with McGuire again. Chicago wins in a sweep. In Nikolai we trust.

Pierre McGuire: Calgary.
The OralB Advantage: Chicago, “Injins”

STANLEY CUP PREDICTIONS

And there you have it folks, close to 1500 words of which not even my parents will read all of. I’m riding the winner of the Philly/Pittsburgh series to the cup final however Cheechoo finally brings the Stanley Cup back to Moose Factory, where it belongs. Once again McGuire, it’s on. Do you know how hard it was to find your playoff picks? I have to go to the sports illustrated American website since you didn’t post them on TSN.ca, even though you work for them. Hmm?? Worried we might call you on your picks? Didn’t think I would have too much time on hands during exam season at university? Think again McGuire.

And that’s an NHL 2009 Playoff Preview.

I’m sure that everyone reading this has gone to church, at least once. You are either good church goin’ folk, your parents are, or their parents still are. Now this isn’t one of those preachy columns, pun intended, that tries to either explain or bash religion. I’m not that bright to even explain why religions are good/bad or have the financial power to back the onslaught of legal problems that the site would get into. This is of course assuming that more than 10 people read these things. A morethenman can dream…

What I’m going to explain is this wonderful video I found online. It’s about lent and how people are giving up things for this religious season. Here is the link: (LINK REMOVED. Wow. That’s the power of the internet. Less than 24 hours after I post this they take it down. BS-more: 1 - ABC NEWS: 0.)

I hope most of you will at least glimpse at it since it’s some pretty good unintentional funny. Well, not really unintentional since they are trying so damn hard and includes such gems as “Vatican in a Twitter”. The ABC News report introduces us to a family who is head over heels (“and I’m always gonna be”) for religion and is ever so proud that their daughter has “decided” to give up technology for lent. Well, alert the Christian fundamentalist because we found ourselves another Skywalker.  I’m still pretty sure that the parents forced her into this Lent activity, or guilted , which goes good with the whole Lent experience. Not to be outdone, her mother gave up chocolate.

The video “reports” that the girls grades have improved and so has the relationship with the family. Really? This was Facebook and a cell phone’s fault? Well actually it wasn’t since it only says that she gave up the text function on her cell phone, which means I’m sure she’s regularly having cell phone conversations and chatting on msn messenger, or AOL messenger, ICQ or whatever else. She’s still emailing and using those same distractions. The mom is so happy with her lovely Christian child. Now they are shown having wonderful conversations or playing card games and not running away to answer a text message or see pregnant pictures of classmates on the Facebook.

I really enjoy how the topic of “well the Vatican has a website” comes up as a counter-argument. Oh, that’s so wonderful. The Vatican has a website and perhaps the traffic is down for their hilarious youtube classic “man with big hat and white ropes says things like condoms won’t help the Aids crisis in Africa”. Those are always laugh a minute clips. That same brain trust has also brought us the wonderful idea that “Technology can lead to distraction and temptation”. This is an exact quote from the Vatican. I know they are just trying to help out people and this can be the case but are there not more important things to worry about? As Buddy Pope has already said, you have a website! You are part of the problem. You can’t have it both ways. It’s like saying to love your neighbour as yourselves, as long as they’re not gay or a women or being as silly as renouncing temptation and then not being able to control yourself at an Altar Boy tryout. Who would do that? Really? (Crap, I went there).

But maybe we should praise this girl. She stuck to her guns, put her mind to something and accomplished it, which is hopefully the message they were trying to achieve with this whole Lent experience. The old mind over matter trick works again; something that religions have banked on for years. So two claps for her! The video ends with a check in on the old mother figure. After all this praising of her daughter staying true to the Lent roots and sticking with something, she goes on to explain that she’s cheating on her chocolate sacrifice! Really?! Come on! Your kid can give up communication and you can’t put down a god damn candy-bar? Can you see why your kid wouldn’t want to spend time with you? You know she’s one of those mom’s who belittles her children about smoking weed and the dangers of drugs while she grows her own plants in the basement and smokes up on a daily basis. Wait, this makes complete sense. No wonder she can’t give up chocolate. (She was high/munchies/get it?)

And that’s a rant.

I’m sure many of you reading this own at least one baseball cap. Even if you’re part of the minority that hasn’t, chances are that you’ve probably put one on before. I’m a big fan of the cap. Nothing like buying one either. I have enough Denver Broncos caps to…….well at the very least impress some. I hope. I like the new invention of the caps with the closed back. I think that’s how you explain it. No velcro or adjustable straps needed. Mostly I just enjoy it because now the caps are a bit bigger and I’m able to fit both my large head and abundance of hair inside. I don’t rock a ponytail so to me, this is the best style.

Now this isn’t a column praising the cap itself. Well, column is a strong word. Very strong actually. More like, “This is a bullshit blog that someday hopes to grow up and become a column.” I’m about to shed light on the single worst crime against the cap wearing community since the anti-capites held that rally years ago: the sticker that is left on the bottom of the cap.

Alright people, you know who you are. Really? Does this look good? Do you stare up at it as you are walking and think: “yeah, this is officially licensed merchandise from Major League Baseball.”  Who the hell cares where you bought your cap. I don’t give two shits if you bought it for $400 or some beggar in Chinatown in a bundle deal that include 4 fake Rolexes and the new Harry Potter movie. You are supposed to support your team (which is pathetic enough. I should know, I’ve been buying Broncos merch for years and still have yet to receive a super bowl ring). I saw the worst case of this last month. Someone was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates cap with a sticker on the brim as usual. NO-ONE IS A PIRATES FAN! You can’t even find people in Pittsburgh who will be caught wearing one. They probably thought the ‘P’ logo stands for Punk or something. (More like Pathetic. Oh. Burn.) I don’t even really have a problem with people wearing stupid caps. Lord knows there are enough camo-styled caps out there to sink a couple boats. Oh and PS> we can see you.  You aren’t in the military so take it off and throw on something more styling, like those caps you’d get for raising $100 for Jump Rope for Heart. Now those are cool.

Whatever reason you wear a cap, please take off the sticker and tags. They are there so you can tell it is new in a store, not for parading around the street like you’re some type of moron. Maybe you stole it and you’re trying to be cool? No you didn’t! They have those giant sensors on the sides on them in the store so jackasses like you can’t run off with a $30 hat. And what if you get caught in the rain? Do you weep for days if the hat gets wet and the sticker slides off? Or did you also purchase one of those protective shower cap things that the police wear? So next time you pass someone on the street and you see that under the brim of their perfectly straight baseball cap is a shiny round gold sticker, please laugh at them. THAT REMINDS ME!! CURVE THE BRIM OF YOUR GOD DAMN HAT!! Remember when you were younger and made fun of the kids whose cap wasn’t curved? Imagine they added a sticker of ….say a unicorn or something.  That’s basically what goes on today. Except instead of a unicorn, it’s a sticker with a number on it. Oh, and that sticker means very little since it is THE MEASUREMENT OF YOUR HEAD. I don’t care how big your head is or whatever else your compensating for. Rip off the sticker and curve the brim please.

And that’s a rant.

Remember when people didn’t have a cell phone? I enjoyed it. I know that I shouldn’t really complain much since I’m one of those people with their own personal 9 digit numbers and a voice mail box. In reality though, there’s no excuse to not have one anymore. The only people who don’t have one are doing it because “They don’t need one.” Or “everyone else already has one” I used to be that person. Then I thought about it and neither are umbrellas. You can get wet. But if you’re smart enough to actually purchase one, you know you will always be near someone and they’ll ask: “hey, can I stand under it too?” Oh sure, why not? Not like I needed both sides of my body dry. So I encourage everyone to buy an umbrella and a cell phone or wait until you get home to make a call and dry off when you are there.

So yes, cell-phones are the devil. Why is there even a vibrate mode? Who hasn’t been somewhere and there’s been a cell phone on the table and it’s just a loud annoying buzz? Stop that. It would be better if it was the latest Avril Lavigne song or some Star Wars quote. (sk8ter boi and Chewbacca’s growl is preferred)  And when did this become socially acceptable? Everyone texts during meetings and class now without any consequence. Well, except for me leering at them from afar. Once again, you aren’t that important. It can wait the 90 minutes to respond to how much your new best friend forever’s crush looks like that kid on Gossip Girl.

As you can see I’m frustrated with all things technology and it’s not for the reason you think. In this case, I’m actually killing the messenger.  Today for the umpteenth time, the prestigious National Art Centre called me asking for my continued financial support of their ever growing empire. This problem is back from when I would attend NAC events on a regular basis and pay for parties ranging from 2-5 people. I know it makes me seem like a big spender, but I’m not. I’m a student and most times people paid me back. But in their system, I must be under the category of “Way too much money to know what to do with” or “A great supporter of the arts” or “Trying to impress more than one person”. Although the ladder two are usually correct, I’m just a poor student. I can’t actually afford to spend $500 on a season pass. I have nothing against the NAC. No wait, I do. I’m sure these people must be competent. They put on great shows and playing an instrument isn’t the easiest thing to do. But when I tell them in 2007 that I can’t afford to go to the NAC every single weekend for the season, they should take that as a hint that I still can’t, since I keep telling them every single time. I can’t tell them off completely since I actually still attend events and don’t want to be blacklisted (you don’t want to anger arts folk). No means no.  Stop calling me weekly! Really? Are you this hard up for cash that you hope that every week I’ll somehow be able to must the money to buy a seasons’ pass? I can’t afford a bus pass people.

And that’s a rant.

UPDATE: NAC called twice last week. I wish i was making this stuff up.

I think it’s time to finally do away with abbreviations. We have taken a decent lazy concept and brought it to new heights. I assume that one of the first ones was PS at the end of the letter instead of Post Script. Decent enough, even enjoyable. But last week really crossed a line. I was watching an online episode of Corner Gas and the ad that played before it was letting me know about a BOGO sale. Really? BOGO. For those kids out of the know, that’s Buy One Get One. Would that be so hard to say. That 12 letters. That’s the same letter count as February 25th. Was that so hard? (thanks for all those who actually counted the letters/numbers) Buy One Get One. Yes shoe store, the time saved by me will allow me to shop and BOGO the hell out of my day! Stop it.

While I’m changing the world, stop typing lol. Stop it. What moron thought up that? Laugh out loud. No-one has ever muttered the phrase “Laugh out Loud” without trying to be ironic or hit on a drunk chick. Laughing out Loud is an action. What’s next? Frtd. That’s farted in internet terms. Or bmn. That’s blew my nose. See? Kinda stupid right. JUST TYPE HAHA. What’s so hard. We get it. Maybe I’m just bitter because when I was younger I tried to think of my own ones. I had wz^ for what’s up and g’night for good night. Basically the first one didn’t work because it looked like a cat just walked on your keyboard and the other one removed 3 letters and added an apostrophe.  So stop it. Just type full sentences. Your life isn’t that important. It’s really not. we im wa. (whatever I am walking away). See!! STUPID.

And that’s a rant.