bling bling
like, you know
organic
Web 2.0
rightsizing
whatever
economic stimulus
awesome
state-of-the-art
leverage

Now, most of those words may be annoying, however only three are worth noting. The first is “bling bling”. As any three year old can notice, this is actually a) two words, b) the same word twice. How can this legally be a word? Someone should investigate the people who are just throwing around accusations that combinations of words are full words. I’ll even let “economic stimulus” pass because there is no need to nit-pick. But Web 2.0! No, that’s not a word. Web is a word, 2 is a number. Again, we need a three year old to fact check the English language. Are they really in that dire of straits to get publicity for literacy that they just throw up expressions for people to discuss in order to drum up support?

This brings me to the most egregious error on the part of English: “like, you know” is not a word. It’s just not. I don’t care how literate you are and how much you can argue that Web 2.0 is a proper noun and bling bling is slang, “like, you know” is a phrase or a saying. Simple. It’s a combination of three words. All of them are great words, don’t get me wrong, but they are three words nonetheless. Why would anyone think this is one word? It’s not! IT EVEN INCLUDES A COMMA!! No word should have a comma since it is “a mark of punctuation used for indicating a division in a sentence”, not division of a word. Jackasses.

It’s just not a word. Stop it. But let’s play illiterate devil’s advocate: So what if we bend the rules for a combination of words if we say it in our every day conversations? It’s part of our updated, hip cool English language so let’s allow it. My answer to that is why dumb down our language? Shouldn’t we try and uphold the standards of an already failing industry of spelling errors and abbreviations? We’re losing our English language to texting and emoticons and T9 cell phones. Everything is an abbreviation because people are too busy to spell properly. (Oh and you’re not that busy. People can wait for your urgent response to last night’s mistake/hook-up you knew exactly what you were doing). And I’ll admit, I can’t spell at all. Without spell-check I would be useless and this would be completely unreadable. I’m not saying that’s right, all I’m saying is that like, you know, it’s not a word.

Still not convinced and think I’m being too picky? Aright, try this one: Snot-rocket. That’s right. Think that should be a word in the English language? Something that is used in our everyday vernacular, is hip and cool with the kids. “Hey, did you see that guy blow a snot-rocket when we ran out of Kleenex? Narly dude!” Only one small problem: this isn’t an official word. English doesn’t recognize this word’s existence.

Here’s hoping that 2010 brings in the year of the snot-rocket and our 1,000,001^st word.

Oh yes I just used that line. For those of you unaccustomed to the phrase, you have to tilt your head at a 45 degree and say “say” at .5 octaves higher than normal and the say “what” at 2.5 octaves higher than normal tone. 

Oh right! BASEBALL….again, (this dude is boring me)

Well I have news for you, I…don’t….. care!  Give me the breakdown B

One and one player only in the outfield causes me to go into a rage for this all-star rant. Josh “Mother Flipping” Hamilton! He is now my goto for why fans shouldn’t vote in All-stars. I’m not even going to really go into it, BUT, here are his and 5 other outfielders in the AL who are not starters at the all-star game, all of these men made the game, but Hamilton is a starter. BREAKITONDOWN!

Josh Hamilton       Avg 240 OBP 290 HR 6 RBI 24 Runs 20 Sb 3  GP 32 Vs 

Carl Crawford         Avg 318 OBP 376 HR 8 RBI 38 Runs 56 Sb 41  GP 82

Curtis Granderson Avg 255 OBP 339 HR 18 RBI 43 Runs 51 Sb 15  GP 81

Torii Hunter           Avg 307 OBP 382 HR 17 RBI 65 Runs 56 Sb 13  GP 76 *My Pick

Adam Jones           Avg 305 OBP 361 HR 12 RBI 46 Runs 52 Sb 6  GP 75

Ben Zobrist             Avg 290 OBP 400 HR 16 RBI 46 Runs 43 Sb 8  GP 75

Did you read all that? Good! Do you see what I am seeing. I even had to add one more stat to the lineup, Games Played. Hamilton has got to be the least deserving player in the history of baseball to go to the big game. He bats under 250, I will use a Johnny Mac analogy again. You remember that year when Johnny Mac Played over 100 games? Well if you do you will remember that he hit .251! WHAT?! The old time utility player hits better average than an all-star?! 

Case Closed!

By the way I chose Torii Hunter as my starter from that group but ultimately I would have put Lind out there as he, despite being primarily a DH has the same if not better stats than that group. When it all comes down to it, if he doesn’t make the team, I blame Josh Hamilton AND the voters who shouldn’t exist. 

Jomo Out!

Who would have predicted the end result. Last time we were together I was complaining that Aaron Hill would almost certainly not make the AL sqaud, but he did, and the countering Ian Kinsler did not. I can’t say I understand how Kinsler didn’t make it. He had SO many votes, but apparently Pedroia (2008 My Verybad Player [2008 MVP]) won the starter spot at 2b even though he is having at best a good year (not great.. good) I will stat breakdown the 3 players because, well, I like doing it.

Pedroia  Avg 290 OBP 368 RBI 36 Runs 59 HR 3 Sb 14

Hill         Avg 299 OBP 339 RBI 59 Runs 50 HR 20 Sb 3

Kinsler   Avg 253 OBP 332 RBI 51 Runs 59 HR 19 Sb 16

I look these stats over and I see once again Kinsler and Hill as equals, Hill hits better average but Kinsler steals bases. Pedroia although having a good season, has hit only 3 home runs (Johnny MacDonald has hit 1 this year), and doesn’t bring home as many runners (RBI’s). The other thing is Runs is kind of a dumb statistic as it relies on other people bringing you across the plate, more than anything it is a luck stat that Pedroia is taking advantage of, I am still trying to figure out how he was MVP last year.

So overall I am very happy that Aaron Hill has made the squad, he deserves it. If he keeps up his pace he should be the league MVP. Going by what the last AL MVP did, I would say a 40 home run 90-100 rbi season with a .300 avg should do it, but let us wait and talk about that in 82 games.

Final Vote is on at MLB.com for the final player in each league (AL/NL). Adam Lind is on the ballot and is at this point edging out Ian Kinsler and Carlos Pena.

Voting for “All-Stars” in baseball is kind of like voting on who won the 100m sprint. It really doesn’t make any sense. Anybody who watches baseball understands that it is one of the few sports where statistics say EVERYTHING. A pitcher is the product of his ERA, WHIP, K’s, and win-loss record. A batter is the product of his; batting avg, RBI, Runs, Home runs, On Base percentage, and stolen bases. 

There is a simple way to determine what player is the “better one”. Take this example.

BS_More = Avg. .275 OBP.320 HR 6 RBI 25 Runs 20 SB 5  VS

JMan = Avg .325 OBP .400 HR 3 RBI 22 Runs 40 SB 20

We can easily see that although they are different players, that JMan has the ability to create more runs by getting on base and stealing, than BS has by hitting the ball over the fence double the amount of times.

Right now in the American League there are some of these situations in All-Star Ballot leaders vs. everyone else. My prime agitation is Ian Kinsler vs. Aaron Hill.

Stat Breakdown:

Kinsler: Avg .272 OBP .347 HR 18 RBI 50 Runs 53 SB 16

Hill: Avg .305 OBP .345 HR 17 RBI 54 Runs 46 SB 3

So if we really look at this closely we can say, The SB and avg cancel each other out. So what we are left with is the exact same player. Why is it then that Kinsler is one million votes ahead of Hill? The answer, voters! Hill and Kinsler should both be All-Stars this year, Kinsler WILL BE, and Hill, (unless selected as a replacement) will be forced to watch the game from home. What a shame, for a player putting in a career year.

So I guess what I am saying is. GET OFF YOUR BUTTS AND VOTE FOR HILL. And if you get a chance, Adam Lind should probably be at the game too.

Jomo Out!

Alright kids, it’s finally time to resume my pretty awful hockey picks. I know you’ve all probably heard of/been in contact with the swine flu by now and it’s probably my fault in some way or another. After an epic week of partying to conclude the winter semester I contracted some type of super virus. I had swine before it was even popular. Not much has changed since I posted a month ago other than the Apple Juice community of Ottawa should be sending me a thank you card for the gallons I’ve drank trying to rid myself of this pork-ridding disease.

Alright, down to business. My round 1 NHL hockey picks fared decently well. I went 5 for 8 which in these economic turbulent times is respectable. Our good friend Oral-B went 6 for 8 and McGuire went 5 for 8 as well. Crap. I tied Pierre. What a disappointing series of events. However, you should see how smart I was in my picks. I correctly predicted that number 1 pick in the west either makes it to the cup final or loses in the first round (Sharks out after 1) and I solved the debate over which Championship covers more sports karma (NFL all the way, should have known).

 Round 2 I did not get my picks out in time, however Oral-B slipped up slightly, going 2 for 4. But! This doesn’t matter because he’s picking Carolina and the Blackhawks in the finals, with the Blackhawks winning it all. Now that’s a solid pick. My Stanley Cup picks went out in the first and second round (Philly/Sharks, and then changed to Vancouver/Carolina). So I’m going to stay away from NHL hockey picks and leave it to the expert known at Oral-B. How is Pierre McGuire doing? Who the hell knows! His hockey picks are more hidden than the reason he’s still an analyst for TSN/NBC. So McGuire/Swine flu may have taken me down, but Oral-B will live forever and we shall have a Stanley Cup parade for him like the city of Boston did for Ray Bourque.

So there you have it folks. Just wanted to get these picks up there before things start getting crazy and I get some second round of weird animal disease. I assume the next one will be either squirrel or skunk related. Around my house they are like the other type of homeless person. You usually have to walk by them slowly so they won’t bother you and can’t leave things out at night or they’ll get into them.

Alright, this wasn’t that interesting of a post so I apologize; funnier ones to come. I’ll leave you with the greatest boxer of our lifetime practicing for his next fight. Hopefully he doesn’t have to fight anything with a bit more pixels. Yah that’s right, I went there.

And that’s a barely literate post.

Now according to the Fan590’s Radio Jockey Brian Douchey-Bignose. BJ Ryan only ever threw at a velocity of 91 MPH, he really relied on his quirky technique and excellent command. As a Blue Jays viewer I whole heartedly disagree with him . Last season BJ Ryan constantly hit 93 MPH and was rarely near the strike zone with his ridiculous looking slider, this season BJ has maxed out at 88 MPH but has mostly thrown 87MPH. Now as I listened to the radio show Brian informed me that his velocity is not an issue because its only a a difference of 2MPH. WAIT! WHAT?! 91-87=2? and if you use what he actually used to throw 93-87=2? man this guys numbers rock! The reality is BJ has lost a good 5-6MPH which may not seem like much, but it can be the difference between a foul ball and a crushing home run hit by Michael Young.

Now onto what this post is really about, BJ Ryan getting thrown down to the minors at minimum. BJ is a two pitch pitcher who now throws an 87 MPH “Fastball” and an 84 MPH Slide type thing. He has almost no change in speed and his slider has the most obvious looping action in the Bigs. The Blue Jays are an organization chalked full of young pitching that can come in and fill in a missing spot. Now I am not saying the Blue Jays bring up Wolfe or Bullington to be the Closer, BUT you could bring up one of those guys to fill out the bullpen while lets say Scott Downs or Jason Frasor takes over spot as closer, OR even better yet bring Jeremy Accardo back up tomorrow and let him do the job again. At least Accardo hasn’t blown a save in less than 5 opportunities this year, mind you it is at AAA Las Vegas, but with closers it’s not about where you are pitching but how you are pitching and let me tell you Accardo is getting the job done. And before everyone gets on me about being a “Frasor-Lover” just watch the guy pitch this year, he is 100% the best there is in the Blue Jays bullpen right now since he added the Change-up to his pitching repertoire. 

After last nights ball game it was announced that BJ has been moved to the disabled list. The official injury as quoted by Cito Gaston is, “BJ sucks so much right now and he is making me look bad, plus he is a big white guy from the south, I don’t like him, never had, and I think he and Lyle Overbay should make terribly ugly kids together.” The actual reason is an upper shoulder strain, it is pretty vague and no one, not even BJ is buying into it.

I will leave you with this. BJ Ryan successfully blew his second save of the season and it all started by walking the number 8 hitter for Texas, don’t be like BJ, walking is never and option.

This is the hottest spot on the site for our huge viewing crowd (5). 

Growing up in Peterborough, Ontario I should have been huge on four things in life; Hockey, Lacrosse, Women, and either pot or beer. So 2 for 4 ain’t bad right (no I don’t like men or fruity cocktails[unless they rock!]). I played baseball from tee-ball straight up to the present, with a brief stop at softball. Now why can I give the insider information that you won’t find anywhere else? Well I didn’t say I could so I am not answering that question. You will find however that I know almost nothing about hockey in terms of actual info (See Sports section in The Brett-O-File) and even less about football. Baseball is my glory of all knowing information and I can prove it. I knew everyone that was on steroids was on steroids. See there I proved it, now read my section it is actually full of info you are probably maybe even possibly wanting to discuss, and as always walking a batter is never an option.

Batter Stats

PA - Plate Appearance, Any time a batter has finished an at-bat (via out, hit, walk, error, sacrifice hit)

AB - At Bats, A finished at-bat but Does not include walks or sacrifice hits 

H - Hits, When a batter contacts the ball and makes it to at least first base safely

2b - Doubles, a hit resulting in the batter getting to second

3b - Triples, a hit resulting in the batter getting to third

HR - Home Runs, a hit resulting in the batter scoring

R - Runs, When the batter has crossed home plated for a run

RBI - Runs Batted in, When teammates have crossed home plate for a run due to a hit or walk by the batter

TB - Total bases,  the total amount of bases achieved by the batter (1b=1, 2b=2, 3b=3, HR=4)

BB - Bases on balls, “Walks”, the batter has taken 4 “balls” to get to first base without a hit

SO - Strike out,  the batter has allowed 3 strikes to get him out

SB - Stolen bases,  the runner moves one base up during a pitch without a passed ball, wild pitch, walk, or ball coming into play.

CS - CS,  the runner has been caught trying to “Steal a base”

SH - Sacrifice hit, With less than 2 outs, a batter intentionally gets himself out to allow the base runner to get to the next base 

OBP - On Base Percentage, the number of walks plus hits divided by the number of plate appearances (AB does not include walks or sacrifice hits)

SLG - Slugging Percent, The players total number of bases divided by his amount of at-bats

AVG - Average (Batting Average), The number of hits the player has divided by his amount of at-bats

Pitching Stats

W - Wins,  the pitcher has produced a win by either finishing the game or leaving with a lead.

L - Losses,  pitcher has produced a loss by either finishing the game or leaving with a deficit

S - Saves, A pitcher has, by coming into a game with a 3 or less run lead and pitching the equivalent number of outs or more to run lead to finish a game (3 runs = 3 or more outs recorded 1 run = 1 or more out recorded to achieve a save)

SVO - Save Opportunities, When a pitcher had the opportunity to achieve a save in a game

HLD - Holds, the pitcher comes into the game with a 3 or less run lead and produces at least one out and does not cause his team to lose the lead. If a pitcher leaves the game but has allowed a runner on base, that runner is still his responsibility despite being out of the game.

GS - Games Started, A pitcher is the starting pitcher (yay)

CG - Complete Games, A pitcher has started and finished a game regardless of the amount of innings the game may take (less or more)

SHO - Shut outs, A complete game PLUS the pitcher has not allowed a run

IP - Innings pitched, The amount of innings the pitcher has pitched. Innings are counted by outs so 1.1 = 1 and 1/3 of and inning, 1.2 = 1 and 2/3 of an inning

H - Hits allowed, When a pitcher allows a batter to get on base via a “hit”

R - Runs allowed, the number of batters the pitcher has allowed to score

ER - Earned Runs, the number of batters the pitcher has allowed to score. Earned runs only count when there is no error involved for the player scoring

HR - Home Runs allowed, The amount of “home runs” the pitcher has given up

HBP - Hit By Pitch, When a pitcher hits the batter with a pitch and the batter does not swing at the ball

BB - Bases on balls, When a pitcher throws 4 balls to a batter

K or SO - Strike Out, When a pitcher throws 3 strikes to a batter and the batter does not make contact

WHIP - Walks and Hits per innings pitched, Add BB to H and divide it by innings pitched ( A good WHIP is around 1.00)

ERA - Earned Run Average, ER divided by IP 

Pitchers have stats for everything that hitters have as well. For instance doubles given up, slugging percentage against, on base percentage against. These however are the main ones. 

Do I really need to prove myself more? The first year I started predicting seriously, playing against myself (a theme that stayed constant throughout my youth) I correctly predicted the Calgary Flames would be in the cup finals the year they lost to Tampa Bay. If you were in my high school TA, you would remember this since I predicted it loudly to the 5 other people sitting in the classroom. (I also predicted the NY Islanders would go to the east finals, and I think they were swept out in the first round)

What I really wish to accomplish with NHL preview is showcase not only my superior knowledge of all things frozen ice, but take down one TV personality in particular. Pierre McGuire, it’s on. I am dedicating 2009 to taking you down several pegs. You’re like an unfunny George Costanza whose one claim to fame is sucking too much as the coach of Hartford that they moved the team to Carolina, and “won” two Stanley Cups as an assistant coach with the Pittsburgh Penguins in 1991 and 1992. I’m pretty sure I could have played the role of HEAD coach in the situation. “Okay Mario….pass to Jagr…or shoot”. To showcase that anyone can beat you at hockey picks, I have enlisted the help of a good friend, who will go be the name OralB. He knows of sports and of the existence of the hometown Senators and as he says, “I recently learnt what icing meant.” His picks will of course be the OralB Advantage. It’s on McGuire; bring on that big body presence.

ROUND 1

EASTERN CONFERENCE

BOSTON BRUINS VS MONTREAL CANADIANS

This is an easy one. Boston is just a far and away better team and as we know, defence wins championships. The goalie tandem of Thomas/Fernandez gave up a league low 120 goals (5 on 5) while Montreal and Price let in 151 goals. Add that with the fact that Boston is ranked second in the league in scoring and poor Montreal seems to be screwed this time. Boston played the Canadians to the brink of elimination last year and Boston has a far and away better team this year while Montreal did everything they could to miss the playoffs.

Boston it is.

Pierre McGuire: Boston.
The OralB Advantage: Montreal, “..because they are Canadian”

WASHINGTON CAPITALS VS NEW YORK RANGERS

Ovechkin had his first taste of the playoffs last year and this year followed up a Heart Trophy year with 54 goals and 56 assists. The Rangers took in Sean Avery. Enough said. New York may have the better goaltender, Theodore has never given anyone much confidence and Lundqvist is the goalie I would pick if I started a franchise today. Washington also has more firepower to throw at Lundqvist, with 4 players scoring more points than the top New York player. However, that one player is Scott Gomez and if I’ve learnt anything from the NHL, it’s that Scott Gomez scores about 200 goals in the playoffs.

I’ve almost talked myself out of it, but Washington wins.

Pierre McGuire: Washington
The OralB Advantage: New York, “Much better city than Washington, DC.”

CAROLINA HURRICANES VS NEW JERSEY DEVILS

There is no rhyme or reason why I’m picking the way I am for this series. I’m not using stats, a player’s nationality or ability to grow a playoff beard.  Carolina has been on a roll as of late and I know that is supposed to mean nothing but….I don’t care. I’m picking against the logic and memory that Buffalo did this year ago when Hasek brought them into the playoffs and then they lost in the first round. In every other sport, momentum is supposed to carry over into the playoffs. Devils have one, if not the, greatest goalie’s in NHL history. He’s fully rested and didn’t need to carry the team and they still finished third in the conference. Cam Ward will come up huge these playoffs and I have a feeling about this team.

Carolina wins it.

Pierre McGuire: New Jersey (Hartford still hates you too)
The OralB Advantage: Carolina, “Weren’t they good a couple years ago?”

PHILADELPHIA FLYERS VS PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

The Flyers allowed 1 fewer goal and scored two more then the Penguins did this season. What does this mean? Very little, but I’m taking this and saying that this combination will lead the Flyers to many victories this post-season. Also this will break the long-standing debate about which sport has the greatest carry-over luck. You see, the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series, but the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl.  One city will go on a roll and win for a while. (look at Boston, except the Bruins. Is that a sign that this year it’s the Bruins turn? Probably that this whole picking sports is bullshit)

Flyers win this series and a couple more.

Pierre McGuire: Pittsburgh (dance with who brung yah)
The OralB Advantage: Pittsburgh, “Crosby plays for them. He’s whiny”
 

WESTERN CONFERENCE

ANAHEIM DUCKS VS SAN JOSE SHARKS

The Ducks got on a roll late to make the playoffs. San Jose has the best record in the league, which can sometimes curse a team, or they win the Stanley Cup. No room in between really.  Let’s hope that Cheechoo and Thornton light it up and really, who can cheer against Rob Blake? He’s so delightfully old and looks like an old pet.

San Jose win

Pierre McGuire: Sharks
The OralB Advantage: Anaheim, “They beat the Sens that one time so they must be decent”

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS VS DETROIT RED WINGS

Really? Columbus? Don’t worry, next year will Rick Nash go somewhere like Toronto and Ohio can continue forgetting about their NHL team and can go back to watching the Cavs and Browns play.

Detroit wins, even if they start me in goal.

Pierre McGuire: Detroit
The OralB Advantage: Detroit, “Who the hell are they? What’s a Blue Jacket”

ST. LOUIS BLUES VS VANCOUVER CANUCKS

Blues barely made the playoffs, but they are like Carolina and are entering on a roll. Vancouver has the second best goalie in the league in Luongo…..but I don’t care. Vancouver always chokes and this season will be no different.

St Louis starts a roll for the city which will end in the Rams and Cardinals being awesome this season.

Pierre McGuire: Vancouver
The OralB Advantage: Vancouver, “They have a whale as their mascot.”

CALGARY FLAMES VS CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS

All signs point to Calgary winning, especially since Chicago has a goalie that could be our father.
Could you bet on this face?

Didn’t think so. Unless they put in Huet and he does something extra special, this is Calgary’s year.

Calgary wins a good one. Not a chance I’m going with McGuire again. Chicago wins in a sweep. In Nikolai we trust.

Pierre McGuire: Calgary.
The OralB Advantage: Chicago, “Injins”

STANLEY CUP PREDICTIONS

And there you have it folks, close to 1500 words of which not even my parents will read all of. I’m riding the winner of the Philly/Pittsburgh series to the cup final however Cheechoo finally brings the Stanley Cup back to Moose Factory, where it belongs. Once again McGuire, it’s on. Do you know how hard it was to find your playoff picks? I have to go to the sports illustrated American website since you didn’t post them on TSN.ca, even though you work for them. Hmm?? Worried we might call you on your picks? Didn’t think I would have too much time on hands during exam season at university? Think again McGuire.

And that’s an NHL 2009 Playoff Preview.

What I’m going to explain is this wonderful video I found online. It’s about lent and how people are giving up things for this religious season. Here is the link: (LINK REMOVED. Wow. That’s the power of the internet. Less than 24 hours after I post this they take it down. BS-more: 1 - ABC NEWS: 0.)

I hope most of you will at least glimpse at it since it’s some pretty good unintentional funny. Well, not really unintentional since they are trying so damn hard and includes such gems as “Vatican in a Twitter”. The ABC News report introduces us to a family who is head over heels (“and I’m always gonna be”) for religion and is ever so proud that their daughter has “decided” to give up technology for lent. Well, alert the Christian fundamentalist because we found ourselves another Skywalker.  I’m still pretty sure that the parents forced her into this Lent activity, or guilted , which goes good with the whole Lent experience. Not to be outdone, her mother gave up chocolate.

The video “reports” that the girls grades have improved and so has the relationship with the family. Really? This was Facebook and a cell phone’s fault? Well actually it wasn’t since it only says that she gave up the text function on her cell phone, which means I’m sure she’s regularly having cell phone conversations and chatting on msn messenger, or AOL messenger, ICQ or whatever else. She’s still emailing and using those same distractions. The mom is so happy with her lovely Christian child. Now they are shown having wonderful conversations or playing card games and not running away to answer a text message or see pregnant pictures of classmates on the Facebook.

I really enjoy how the topic of “well the Vatican has a website” comes up as a counter-argument. Oh, that’s so wonderful. The Vatican has a website and perhaps the traffic is down for their hilarious youtube classic “man with big hat and white ropes says things like condoms won’t help the Aids crisis in Africa”. Those are always laugh a minute clips. That same brain trust has also brought us the wonderful idea that “Technology can lead to distraction and temptation”. This is an exact quote from the Vatican. I know they are just trying to help out people and this can be the case but are there not more important things to worry about? As Buddy Pope has already said, you have a website! You are part of the problem. You can’t have it both ways. It’s like saying to love your neighbour as yourselves, as long as they’re not gay or a women or being as silly as renouncing temptation and then not being able to control yourself at an Altar Boy tryout. Who would do that? Really? (Crap, I went there).

But maybe we should praise this girl. She stuck to her guns, put her mind to something and accomplished it, which is hopefully the message they were trying to achieve with this whole Lent experience. The old mind over matter trick works again; something that religions have banked on for years. So two claps for her! The video ends with a check in on the old mother figure. After all this praising of her daughter staying true to the Lent roots and sticking with something, she goes on to explain that she’s cheating on her chocolate sacrifice! Really?! Come on! Your kid can give up communication and you can’t put down a god damn candy-bar? Can you see why your kid wouldn’t want to spend time with you? You know she’s one of those mom’s who belittles her children about smoking weed and the dangers of drugs while she grows her own plants in the basement and smokes up on a daily basis. Wait, this makes complete sense. No wonder she can’t give up chocolate. (She was high/munchies/get it?)

And that’s a rant.

OH! Really that is what you would like to know?

This is very interesting, I think I might have to make a show about it. I shall call it Manswers……………

Or as the rest of us call it WTF! (Yes BS I used one in my blog!). Manswers has to be the top thing in two different categories. Number one, it is the top of the list in dumbest show ever created, and number two you ask, well it also happens to be the funniest show ever created, but not the ha ha funny, more like the, that is the dumbest question I have ever heard of.

The show does have some shining moments for Men, only men, otherwise it would be called Womanswers (but that is just silly). The show always and I mean ALWAYS has a question about boobs and/or sex. For instance, what sized boob can crush an empty can of beer? For those of you wishing to know the manswer to that I’m sorry but I didn’t stick it through the episode. The next time I watched it there was, where is it legal to tape voyeur sexual acts? This one I stuck out, I was interested although I was pretty sure I knew the manswer to this one. The manswer…. nowhere, people have to know when you are taping them, acts of the bedroom is private time and private time is not to be taped unless there is consent. 

I guess to get to the point, I like that this show exists. It is totally pointless, that meaning no point whatsoever, it is not sharp, it is not ever really dull that is how much it lacks a point, hmmm what? Oh yes the point. How does this show still on the air months later? How do they keep on finding dumb little trivia questions to entice guys who clearly have nothing better to do? After watching an episode about one week ago I can tell you why!!!

The occasional bring out a useful fact that you might end up using. No no, its not how is the best way to have scuba sex. No its not even how to improve you urinal aim. It is the ones that relate to you, the average american hillybilly.

WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOUR JUNK GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR ZIPPER?!

Now I have never had this happen, I have had some close calls for sure, because as Manswers taught me, Canada is a pretty well endowed country, but imagine if it did happen, what would you do? Maybe you would just rip it like a bandage, call 911 akin Something About Mary, Vaseline, slow motion, or any variation of those. Do you know what the manswer is though? Well it will be on right after the horniest animal in the world, the Pygmy Chimp, now enjoy 2-3 minutes of Pygmy Chimps humping along their merry way.