I’m sure many of you reading this own at least one baseball cap. Even if you’re part of the minority that hasn’t, chances are that you’ve probably put one on before. I’m a big fan of the cap. Nothing like buying one either. I have enough Denver Broncos caps to…….well at the very least impress some. I hope. I like the new invention of the caps with the closed back. I think that’s how you explain it. No velcro or adjustable straps needed. Mostly I just enjoy it because now the caps are a bit bigger and I’m able to fit both my large head and abundance of hair inside. I don’t rock a ponytail so to me, this is the best style.

Now this isn’t a column praising the cap itself. Well, column is a strong word. Very strong actually. More like, “This is a bullshit blog that someday hopes to grow up and become a column.” I’m about to shed light on the single worst crime against the cap wearing community since the anti-capites held that rally years ago: the sticker that is left on the bottom of the cap.

Alright people, you know who you are. Really? Does this look good? Do you stare up at it as you are walking and think: “yeah, this is officially licensed merchandise from Major League Baseball.”  Who the hell cares where you bought your cap. I don’t give two shits if you bought it for $400 or some beggar in Chinatown in a bundle deal that include 4 fake Rolexes and the new Harry Potter movie. You are supposed to support your team (which is pathetic enough. I should know, I’ve been buying Broncos merch for years and still have yet to receive a super bowl ring). I saw the worst case of this last month. Someone was wearing a Pittsburgh Pirates cap with a sticker on the brim as usual. NO-ONE IS A PIRATES FAN! You can’t even find people in Pittsburgh who will be caught wearing one. They probably thought the ‘P’ logo stands for Punk or something. (More like Pathetic. Oh. Burn.) I don’t even really have a problem with people wearing stupid caps. Lord knows there are enough camo-styled caps out there to sink a couple boats. Oh and PS> we can see you.  You aren’t in the military so take it off and throw on something more styling, like those caps you’d get for raising $100 for Jump Rope for Heart. Now those are cool.

Whatever reason you wear a cap, please take off the sticker and tags. They are there so you can tell it is new in a store, not for parading around the street like you’re some type of moron. Maybe you stole it and you’re trying to be cool? No you didn’t! They have those giant sensors on the sides on them in the store so jackasses like you can’t run off with a $30 hat. And what if you get caught in the rain? Do you weep for days if the hat gets wet and the sticker slides off? Or did you also purchase one of those protective shower cap things that the police wear? So next time you pass someone on the street and you see that under the brim of their perfectly straight baseball cap is a shiny round gold sticker, please laugh at them. THAT REMINDS ME!! CURVE THE BRIM OF YOUR GOD DAMN HAT!! Remember when you were younger and made fun of the kids whose cap wasn’t curved? Imagine they added a sticker of ….say a unicorn or something.  That’s basically what goes on today. Except instead of a unicorn, it’s a sticker with a number on it. Oh, and that sticker means very little since it is THE MEASUREMENT OF YOUR HEAD. I don’t care how big your head is or whatever else your compensating for. Rip off the sticker and curve the brim please.

And that’s a rant.

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